Bob and I pulled our kid from public school. Things weren't working out in 1st grade, and by Christmas Break, it was a disaster.
The principal wanted him to attend a special-ed campus, the classroom aides were ineffectual and inattentive, and we got the feeling his teacher did not want him in her class. I can't even imagine how that affected Zach's self-esteem, but the dismal outlook on his academic progress prompted us to act.
We submitted letters of withdrawal to the school, and got into home school social groups. It was hard for us to say goodbye, but we had to keep it on the downlow, as school districts can file lawsuits against families for doing this.
So far, the pull-out has worked well. Zach is back on the tracks with reading, and this was our biggest concern. Just not having him around 29 other children has realized remarkable gains—he's on-task most of the time. He actually gets work done.
What's incredible, is our social encounters with other children have been positive. Instead of these gangs of kids on the playground at public school, everyone's parent is there. "Your kid has a problem? Let's solve it."
I remember public school recesses could be quite brutal. Kids would say and do emotionally-destructive things to their "friends" as early as 1st or 2nd grade. The playground monitors really couldn't do much, unless somebody complained or if parents later complained. I witnessed Zach joining a gang the moment he hit the playground asphalt. It was a literal descent into Lord of the Flies because even the most level-headed kids will be aggressive toward others when in their tribes.
NPR radio hour once described this as relational aggression, which isn't always necessarily bullying, but more like group-bonding in a very negative sense that excludes other children from play or relationships with the group. It can also be bullying by every definition and can have a terrible impact on victims' social functionality and self-esteem.
Zach, sadly, did not have the tools to function well in these groups and was constantly getting reprimanded by nearly every adult around him. His sense said, Stop, but his impulse said, Go. Without a functional student aide with him, he couldn't function, and we knew this was only a patch to the bigger problem. The problem wasn't just him.
There is a tendency for some children to exhibit transient sociopathic behaviors without it being immediately identified. Some kids are excellent at hiding these behaviors, much like Rhoda in the Bad Seed. "Sociopath" is not really an accurate description, as either you're constantly a sociopath or you're not under the DSM-V guidebook. Nevertheless, some children can be these reserved calculating monsters that know how to push buttons to get your kid to blow up, then watch the discipline show afterwards. It's entertaining for them.
If we can keep our train on the tracks with home schooling, I think Zach can be insulated from most of this disturbing, yet normal and encouraged, psycho playground party.
As someone who was formally going into teaching, I am not disparaging public school. It works great for most kids, but not all. The 2 ½ years we spent in public school did not work. Now we are trying this.
